Grief is just love

It’s been a little over two months since I lost my grandmother. I think about her often. Mostly without dwelling on the sadness I feel. I usually remember conversations we had or pleasant memories we shared. Today I feel like I lost her all over again. I feel like its an endless well of sadness I have to draw from. I think of all the things I want to tell her and talk to her about. I think of the many ways life has changed so much in the past two months. I believe that she would want me to spend my time focusing on my life and what makes me happy and yet I can’t help but feel an immense sadness in her absence.

In so many ways my grandma was more of a mother to me than a grandma. She took care of me for a long time, and she took me in when I was kicked out of my house by my actual mother several times. She was always a safe place for me to land. She allowed me to be myself and didn’t try to change me. Her acceptance of who I was naturally was one of the most impactful ways she helped me overcome the betrayal I felt. We shared so many wonderful conversations over the years. I truly believe she is one of the biggest reasons I am who I am today. Her wisdom will be missed dearly. I will never stop loving her, not for one second of my life.

This is my first up close and personal experience with grief. I didn’t know how I would react. I’ve never lost anyone that was this close to me. I’ve had other extended family members die, but never one I had such a bond with.

I love you Grandma.